Back To School (Could different be better?)

 

I've mentioned before that things are different in this "back to school" season. Much of it is really difficult and I threw myself a bit of a pity party for the first few days this week. Pushing a bald-headed daughter with 2/3 of a leg and a foot on backwards to class in a wheelchair can do that to a mama.  If you let it get in your head and you dwell on the past, it can make you miserable. But something occurred to me the other day...I had one of those moments when you get a lightning flash glimpse of what God is really doing...working...refining...changing hearts. Both Luke and Bailey told me that I seemed like I was in a good mood. To use Luke's words, "Mom, you just seem cheerful." And that is when it hit me. In previous back to school times, I have been completely frazzled. I love our little school, but it is extraordinarily heavy on parental commitment (for very good reasons), and so the first few weeks feel a bit like boot camp - with multiple meetings and activities being loaded endlessly onto my year's calendar. I'm usually sad to see our summer ending. I typically complain a lot about the formidable to-do list. I whine about buying uniforms, carpool, homework, meetings, shopping for school supplies, commitments in the classroom, driving too much, the overwhelming pace, the weather, traffic...really...anything and everything.

But guess what I realized in my ah-ha moment? 

I'm not complaining this year.

Not only am I not complaining, but I am really enjoying everything...treasuring each piece of the mundane. I am sure that last year at this time no one would have described me as cheerful. But after so much sadness, fear, watching Bailey hurt, missing of fun things, disappointments, lack of sleep, spending summer days in dark hospital rooms, shuffling kids around and never being together...I have cherished every bit of normalcy this week. I feel so thankful that Bailey has been able to attend the first four days of school. We are doing homework and piano lessons and signing up for sports...and the routine that I would typically find monotonous and painful...has been absolutely amazing.

Funny how perspective can so quickly change. We are grateful for each moment now. I have also realized that much of what I stressed over before was ridiculous. I am fairly certain that about 85% of what we focus on as mothers doesn't really matter at all - and - is simply our desire to be in control manifesting itself. I have seen my child suffer immensely. I have been immersed in the lives of other kids who are hurting...fighting life or death battles.  It forces you to evaluate everything - and what I have realized is that very little truly matters. I have seen God meet me and give me strength for each day and I had never allowed Him to do that before.

This back to school season is like nothing we've ever experienced. With a child battling a hideous disease, we are guaranteed challenges and hard days. But I am different this year too...I'm not who I was in years past. In just six short months of fighting this battle, God is working in my heart - opening my eyes to things that needed to change...reminding me of what is important. He is meeting me with a strength I could never muster on my own.

Different can be difficult and challenging and painful - in fact, it usually is. But it can also be a really great opportunity for a fresh view, evaluating of priorities, stripping away of idols and for allowing God to work. Different can be okay. What I am beginning to glimpse though, is the answer to a much bigger question. 

Can different maybe...eventually...be better?

Belk KidFest

Last weekend Bailey was the honorary CURE child for the Belk KidFest. When asked to do this event, we had no idea whether or not she would be able to make it, what her chemo schedule would look like, or how she would be feeling. But she really wanted to be a part of the day and it all turned out okay, as she was able to attend. Sadly, she had only been home from the hospital (after chemo) for one day and so she felt terrible for much of the time. She stuck with it though and we are very proud of our tough girl.

 

 

  

Thank you to Belk, The Forum, CURE, 104.7 The Fish (the picture above is of Bailey being interviewed by Parks Stamper for the radio), the Oswald Brothers Band, Mary Eva Tredway and the many other sponsors. It was great for Bailey to be able to share her story, receive some fun gifts and feel special for a day - and it is so important that we raise awareness and funds in an effort to end childhood cancer.

Bailey Update

 

Just a quick Bailey update for those not following along on her site. Her rotationplasty was June 5, 2012, so we are about two months out from surgery. Her leg is doing great and healing well. She would be ready for weight-bearing (and a prosthetic leg) if it weren't for chemo which completely slows (almost seems like it goes backwards) the healing process. We are hoping that by the end of September she will be cleared to start the process. Otherwise, we could not be happier with how things are going with her "rearranged" leg. She was blessed to avoid a pathological break at any point prior to surgery, so she was up and active, even at the beach the day before...which I believe has helped greatly. Her strength is good, flexibility is good, and her range of motion is terrific. Regarding physical therapy, we are kind of on hold, because there really isn't anything else that she can do until she gets her prosthetic leg...there is nothing else to improve. We are all fairly used to her new look now, although it certainly draws a lot of stares from the outside world. Once she has her prosthetic, I  think the staring will likely take on a different (and less shocked and rude) nature, since most people are familiar with prosthetics and it doesn't have quite the surprise value of 2/3 of a leg and backwards foot. Based on our three lousy surgical options, we are still thrilled and peaceful about our decision...it was the right one for this child. Bailey has been steadfast since the day she heard the choices.  She is however, growing tired of the immobility and she is ready to get back up on two feet. 

Bailey had a little time off after surgery to allow some healing. Our first chemo back was difficult...hard to get into that routine again. We are in the groove now, even though it feels as though darkness looms before each hospital visit...they just aren't any fun...absolutely miserable on a number of levels.  This weekend she finished her last Doxorubicin/Cisplatin combo. Ciplastin is nasty for her - and so it was a happy day to cross that one off the list. She has ended up back in the hospital with a fever between 9-14 days from all three of these thus far...so we are expecting the same this fourth time around as well. There is a fun event this weekend and the first day of school is next week...so we are hoping she can at least make it to those things...but as we have learned...there is no planning with cancer. There have been so many disappointments that Bailey knows to temper her excitement about anything. We are not in control of this beast. She has eight rounds of chemo left in her official Osteosarcoma protocol. As we near the end, I will update more about next steps. Our greatest prayer is that this child will be done with cancer forever.

Overall, Bailey is doing quite well. She is still walking through the stages of grief, but there is definitely more joy and less anger and sadness now. Kids handle things very differently than adults do and I think we could learn much from their ability to live in the present. Bailey is a warrior and she is fighting this battle with an attitude most adults would find difficult to maintain. She has handled this beautifully...we are in awe of her...and we are so proud of our amazing kid!