Small World

I had a "moment" in church today.

We were sitting with Caleb and next to us sat friends who had just arrived home from Ethiopia with their two boys. Less than three months ago, these children were in the same transition home in Ethiopia...and today, they were in church together...so far from their homeland. Again, the dueling emotions of adoption surfaced. I hurt for these boys. I grieved that they had been through so much pain - loss of their first families, loss of their birth country, hunger, loneliness. These poor kids have endured tremendous sadness at such a tender age.

But then God brought that glimmer of hope and my soul lightened. I don't know if it is consistent in all churches, but in ours, there is a growing movement to be a "father to the fatherless." I can list so many families involved in loving and serving kids in a variety of different ways...through domestic and international adoption, short-term and long-term foster care, giving financially, making meals, serving as baby-sitters...and the number is growing. We even have quite a few friends who have adopted specifically from Ethiopia. How wonderful and amazing God's plan is. Will Caleb have other Ethiopian kids in his discipleship group? In church? Will he have kids of all races and ethnic backgrounds in his class at school? Will he have adopted kids with whom he can connect...his own built-in support group because, years ago, his church embraced God's call?

It is moving to consider. As I sat today next to three precious sons of Ethiopia, I was filled with emotion. These kids have come so far. Their journey has not been an easy one. But it is all part of God's plan...for us and for them. Scattered about the physical building today were quite a few Ethiopian children and a number of other families in the process of adopting from Ethiopia.

The emotions of adoption continue to be complex...but at that very moment I was filled with awe as I considered the sweetness of what God was doing...even in the midst of brokenness.

How Are We? (Adoption Update)

I still can't believe that we've been home with Caleb for almost two months. The process that took almost a year is already beginning to seem like a distant memory.

We are doing well...now. The first few weeks were difficult, really challenging. Due to orphanage life, Caleb was nine months going on about three months, and it was a bit of an adjustment for us. In reading and researching about adoption, we were prepared for this...it is quite normal for institutionalized kids to have some issues adapting to family life...but being prepared doesn't make the process any easier while in the midst of the experience. At first, Caleb wasn't on any solid food nor did he have a regular sleep schedule. He was also extremely fearful and he wanted to be held constantly (understandably so). At the same time, we were dealing with ferocious jet lag, kids who were slightly off from mom and dad being gone for so long, and a 5-year old experiencing night terrors. It was a pretty challenging month and a half.

Looking back on those first few weeks, it all seems a bit blurry now. It felt very much like having a newborn...the lack of sleep, attempting to establish a daily schedule, being tethered to an infant, trying to learn his different cries and needs, plus the keeping up with three other kids and the logistics of their very busy lives. We were exhausted...physically and emotionally. Maybe it was because I'm less tolerant of sleep deprivation now or because our lives are busier or maybe it was the combination of a long trip and the emotions of adoption, but the fatigue was greater than any I ever remember.

But after about 6 weeks home, Caleb finally starting sleeping through the night...he no longer needed that bottle or two to get him through. What a difference a good night's sleep can make! He is also so much more comfortable with us and more content in his surroundings. He is eating well and we are working on a nap schedule (naps have been a huge hurdle that we still haven't overcome). One of the most difficult aspects of the adjustment, has been walking that narrow line between nurturing him - giving him the cuddling and grace - that he so desperately needs (and deserves)...and beginning to establish the boundaries required to ensure that he has a good understanding of his schedule and how a family works. It is such a fine line...obviously he needs the extra "love," but we must also teach him how to nap, what behavior is expected in a high chair, daily routines, etc. At times, it is difficult to discern where that line lies and I am constantly wrestling. Am I being patient enough? Am I letting him get away with too much? Much of my day seems to be spent wandering back and forth between those two questions.

But now, after two months, we are slowly finding our new "normal." In reality, being the mother of four is vaguely similar to how I'd imagined it would be. It can be exhausting, but it is manageable - as long as I'm willing to lower my expectations....and I'm definitely letting more go these days. The laundry blob is inches from consuming us, my desk is covered with mail and I may never see my kitchen sink again. Things are not as clean or organized as I would prefer them to be and it can feel fairly overwhelming at times. There seems to be so much to do and I feel so far behind some days that I am almost paralyzed...not knowing what to tackle next.

But...if I take a step back...and truly evaluate things apart from by sinful need to be in control...Caleb seems to be settling in nicely and the kids adore him. He is oozing with personality and his smile is infectious. Our house is loud and crazy and wonderful...and I wouldn't change a thing. We have good days and bad days. On the good days, I rejoice in the blessings we have been given and on the bad days, I remind myself that God has walked with us during this journey and He has already carried us through so much of it...why would I even attempt to do it on my own?