Updated Adoption FAQs

A few more adoption FAQs...

What is the baby's name?
We haven't decided "officially" yet...although this is driving my husband crazy. He has it narrowed down to one and I have a list of 3-4, so there has been some "discussion." There is a lot to consider when naming a child - and even more so in this case...a child from Africa who will be living in a biracial family - we feel that we owe it to him to put significant consideration into his name. His middle name will be some portion of his birth name.

Are you excited?
This is a tough one. We are excited to have our baby home and our family safe and together. YES! However, as we process all that is involved...traveling so far away to an unfamiliar country, leaving little ones at home and missing them terribly, experiencing poverty and orphans, meeting the needs of a baby we already love, but know nothing about...it is a lot to process and I don't know if "excited" is most accurate description of our current emotions. :)

What do you have to pack for travel? The packing list is quite long. Obviously, we have to take all of our personal items...clothing, toiletries, etc. Women are expected to dress conservatively, so shorts or shorter skirts are not an option for me - pants and long skirts only. We also have to pack everything that the baby will need. He will leave with only the clothes he is wearing (and they even encourage families to bring an outfit to leave at the orphanage to replace the one he takes with him). So...that means formula, wipes, diapers, clothing, toys, blankets, bottles and all other things baby. At this point, I don't even know what size he is or what is eating schedule is like...we are hoping to have this information before we travel in two weeks. We'll also be taking snacks. The guest house will feed us breakfast and dinner, but we are on our own for any other food. We will be buying bottled water once we get there. We will also have mounds of paperwork...items for our embassy appointments to ensure that the baby has all the documents he will need to return to the U.S. with us. We'll have all of our electronics - cameras, computer, voltage adapters - in the desperate hope to document our trip and stay connected while we are there (this could be a challenge, as we've heard Internet service it difficult to find). We will pack books, card games and various means of entertainment to keep us busy during long waits and time spent hanging out at the guest house. We are also taking two bags of donations for the foster home. They are always in need of items and families are encouraged to bring things as they are able.

How long is the trip?
The trip is about 24 hours, depending in layovers and how you break it up. We will go from Atlanta to New York to Amsterdam to Addis Ababa...but there are a number of ways to do it. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to get there and the trip is extremely long regardless of how you break it up.

Where do you stay?
We will be staying in a "Guest House"...I suppose you could compare it to a Bed and Breakfast...an Ethiopian bed and breakfast. :)

What will you do while you are there...why does it take so long?
There is a series of steps we must follow in order to obtain the necessary paperwork for our son to leave the country.
Saturday - We will arrive in Addis Ababa.
Sunday - Day to acclimate, if getting the baby is not an option, we will spend some time in the city shopping
Monday - We will pick up our son by Monday morning.
Tuesday - We have our appointment at the Embassy to finalize the adoption paperwork.
Wednesday - We will be visiting Acacia Village. This is a complex being built by our adoption agency's foundation. It will meet the needs of some of the mothers and orphans in the area.
Thursday - We will be going to the American Embassy and Dutch Embassy to obtain travel visas for the baby.
Friday - We were hoping to leave to head home on Friday, but we were unable to find a suitable flight (we couldn't leave too early because there is the possibility that we will not have some of the necessary documents until late Friday).
Saturday - Heading home
Sunday (Valentine's Day) - Arrive in Atlanta

Once you bring him home, is the paperwork finally over?
No. Upon returning, we will begin the process of re-adopting him in the United States...this will allow him to have a U.S. birth certificate. There will also be yearly post-placement follow-ups with our home study agency.

I know there are more questions we are frequently asked...I will continue to post additional FAQs periodically.

Tears

I cry a lot lately.

Strange, because I'm not an overly emotive person. I don't know if it is just my personality or if it comes from years of stuffing it down in order to appear "tough." My husband has labeled the phenomena - he calls it my "emotional beta-blockers." There are so many instances in my life when I have longed to be able to generate more emotion, so that I could assure people of my sincerity. But many times, I just can't get my outward emotions to match was is going on inside my heart.

But this process, I don't know...the emotions are overwhelming. I'm not sure what the tears even represent...I think mostly just exhaustion and fear of the unknown. Our baby has known so much sadness. We are traveling very far away from our little ones for quite a few days and I already ache for how much I will miss them. There is much to be done before we are able to travel. Ethiopia is not surrounded by "friendly" countries and that fear is constantly lingering. We don't know how the health of our baby will be when we finally meet him - what issues we will be dealing with long-term. Life is full and not ceasing to allow me to pack and prepare. The trip will be long and difficult. The whirlwind of "what-ifs" swirls continuously in my brain.

It is too difficult to process. Too many questions. Too much to sort out. So I weep. I'm a little uncomfortable with it because it isn't how I am wired, yet it is beginning to feel amazingly helpful. I cry. I pray. God meets me.

There will be those who read this who are at a different point on this same journey of adoption. Be prepared, that as the day to meet your little one grows closer, the tears will flow more freely. If you are a loved one of someone navigating an adoption, be sensitive to the complex emotions and realize they may need a little extra care and concern. They are fragile right now. If you are like me, and you find raw emotion to be terrifying, try to let go a little and embrace the tears. I am finding it a quite helpful way for my heart to deal with not knowing what else to do. :)

Embassy Date

Our embassy date is February 9!

After beginning this process almost a year ago, we have reached the final leg. The delay in Shashemene left us feeling as though this day would never come. But so many have prayed so faithfully and God has answered boldy.

Much of the adoption process if filled with fear of the unknown. Someone said to us that by the time we are to travel, we will be so ready to bring our child home that much of our fear will fade. We have reached that point. I am still very humbled by the idea of becoming a mother of four. There are mothers who do their job quite gracefully, but I am not one of them. I slug out domestic life to the best of my very limited ability, but never in my dreams did I envision that I would be responsible for the hearts of all these kids. It is daunting. But we are absolutely ready to scoop up our precious little angel and bring him home to his forever family. He is ours. (The parallels between adoption and God's love for us are astounding...He scoops us up, out of the "muck and mire" and we are His.)

We are as ready as we can be and praying that God meets us in the rest. Baby steps.

Time to start packing...

Our Son is in Addis!

We just received an e-mail from wonderful Patricia (our caseworker) entitled: Your son is in Addis today!!!

Her e-mail read, "The children were moved from Shashemene today and will be going for their embassy physicals tomorrow! It's a happy day!"

My heart did a flip flop and there is much to celebrate at our house today. Finally - we are moving forward again!

As typical with adoption, my joyful heart still feels the underlying sorrow. Our baby has just left the home he has known since June...probably the only home he remembers. Is is afraid? Is he sad? Will he miss his nannies? Will he miss his "friends?" He is old enough to be terrified and confused and I wish I were there to comfort him. I have to rest in God with this or I will make myself insane. He will be getting very good love and care at the transition home...and we are one step closer to him....and that is good news!!!

Good News...Movement Happening!

We received a wonderful e-mail from our case worker this morning...

Our adoption agency had placed a request that all court approved children in Shashemene be authorized to move to the foster home, so that embassy medicals could be coordinated and their waiting families could be given embassy dates...and the request was approved! There were several children in Shashemene whose parents had made it through court, but the children were basically "stuck" due to the Oromia issues. We were one of those families and this means that, after today, we are one HUGE step closer to bringing home our baby boy!

This is an answer to prayer as the situation seemed stagnant and hopeless for quite some time. They are still not moving other "referred" children out, nor are they processing any new adoptions from that region. If children are not being transitioned out of these orphanages to their families, then 1) they are forced to spend unnecessary time in institutional living and 2) it leaves orphanages that are too overcrowded to take in additional children. So...more prayer is needed until this issue is completely resolved.

Today's news was major progress and we are elated. There is still a small chance of late January travel, but it will likely be early February. As soon as they get our little guy moved to the CWA foster home, we can be given an embassy date and travel planning can begin.

We were yearning for good news...what a wonderful Monday!

Thank You

Thank you dear friends and family for not succumbing to adoption fatigue. Each week, you ask, "Any news?" or "When are you leaving?" and each week we give the only reply we can, "Nothing yet." But you continue to call and e-mail...you haven't given up on us...and we are so grateful. Our support group is amazing and I am continually humbled by the number of people who seem truly invested in our journey.

Once again, sadly, nothing to report. Apparently, everything in Ethiopia takes "a few days." It is an oral society and one can't just pick up the phone to handle issues. People must be spoken to in person, so in order to move forward with anything, the particular official in charge must be physically located. Obviously, this can be quite a challenge and provides some explanation for delays that seem to take much too long by our American standards. Last week, the official that our agency needed to speak with (about the issue in Oromia) was traveling to the various orphanages in the region and could not be located. It was also Ethiopian Christmas and so life was slowing as offices prepared for a few days off to celebrate the holiday. It was a frustrating week filled with very little information.

We are desperately hoping for good news this week. To think of our little boy spending any more time in an orphanage is breaking our hearts. We covet your prayers for this process and for him.

Thank you for checking in with us again. We are truly blessed.

Just a Few Weeks?

"It is just a few weeks, right?" These are words that I find echoing in my brain as I attempt to calm my anxious heart during the delay in our adoption process...just a couple of weeks longer. But then the thoughts come - the life our baby is living right now, the milestones we've missed, the months we can't get back. Weeks? Each day that passes feels like an eternity.

I have missed that sweet new baby smell and the feeling of a precious little peanut melted in my arms after nursing him to sleep. I have missed those first gummy grins and giggles. I have missed his first bath and his first Christmas. My little one doesn't know what it is like to have a mom there to meet his every need - to change his diaper when he is wet or calm him when he is afraid. He doesn't know a full tummy. He doesn't know the fun of splashing in a leisurely bath with rubber duckies and toy sailboats. I have missed those precious cuddles of an infant and the twinkle in his eyes as I greet him each morning. He hasn't seen the sparkle in my eyes when my heart lights up at merely the thought of him. He doesn't have his own blankets or toys or a quiet place to sleep peacefully. He doesn't have a mom there every day talking to him, doting over him, loving him as only a mother can. He is growing and changing quickly and we are not there to see it. I may have even missed his first tooth. I have a niece here in town who is about the same age as our baby so far away - and almost every day of her life thus far has been documented with photos..probably in the hundreds. We have about 7 pictures of him. I don't know his exact birthday. I don't know if he is rolling over or sitting up. I don't even know his schedule, when he naps or what he eats.

When we bring him home, there will be so much to celebrate. Our focus will be on the present joy and the task of restoring him to health after the early months of poverty, parasites and loneliness. But for now, we are focused on the days that are passing without him. A friend wrote to me the other day mentioning that she had to mourn the months she missed in her adoptive son's life. I am beginning to fully grasp what this means - there is a tangible loss and I would imagine it only grows stronger after you fall more deeply in love with your child. As a mother, one of my most important goals is to truly "know" my kids - but with this little guy - there will always be a piece missing.

I hurt for what we've missed. I ache for what he has lived through. I know that God is in control and all of this is part of His perfect timing. But what I feel right now is that "just a few weeks" is too long to wait.