May Madness

Its summertime - we made it! The last soccer game was completed and the trophies have been handed out. The piano recital was beautiful. The pre-school party was precious. The kindergarteners had beautiful weather for their beach-themed finale. The baked goods were cooked and the special treats were provided. The library books have been returned. The last school drop offs and pick ups have been completed. Church discipleship is off for the summer. The school teachers have been appreciated and hugged. The tears were shed as I realized how much my sweet kids have grown since September. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. Is it really supposed to be like this?

The older my kids get, the less I am enjoying the month of May. The effort demanded of parents during this time is insane. Each year it is leaving me increasingly spent. The activity required to close a school year is borderline nuts. Crazier still, is that our family is merely on the cusp of the May Madness. Our oldest is six and just finished kindergarten, so she is basically our only child participating in any full-time school or activities at this point. Will I have the stamina to make it through May with several school-aged kids? Sometimes I feel woefully inadequate for my role as a mother.

A good thing about parenting, excluding the case of multiples, is that you begin slowly. First a baby, then they grow into a toddler, then the second baby comes. It is a slow progression. For most people, waking up one day with a toddler and a baby would send you into a tailspin. I'm hoping the same theory applies here. We slowly ease into the busyness of school year activities - first with one child, then two, then summer swim team and sports camps. Hopefully the gradual increase will give me time to adjust to each new phase.

There are also two other aspects that I suspect will be vitally important if I hope to combat overall burn-out. One is to choose activities wisely. I think we do this fairly well now, but as we have more children and they get older, we will likely have to be even more selective. This sounds easy, but realistic implementation will be an entirely different challenge in this overly competitive, uber-parenting world. Theory is one thing. Putting it into practice is infinitely more difficult. Secondly, we must rest when the schedule allows. There are natural breaks throughout the course of the year. Seasons wind down, holidays happen. We need to cherish those times, spend them as a family and try to rest and recover. May could be unsalvageable, but we do have some control over June through April.

For now, I've survived my first really busy May. My babies are home and we will not be spending our days in the car. I have scheduled minimal activity this summer because doing things with an infant in tow can be exhausting. We will have busy summers soon enough, so we are going to try to rest, reclaim the chaos that is our house and enjoy family time for now.

By the end of the summer I will likely be clamoring for more structure. Ahhh, the pendulum swings and the grass is always greener...

Happy Mother's Day

Last year on Mother's Day I was coming home from the hospital with my third baby. What a wonderful gift it was, to be adding that new little life to our family. As exhausting as newborns can be, there is a sweetness about that time that I will always miss. It is one of God's greatest gifts. Even after three children, I am still amazed at how fiercely a mother can love her little ones - immediately. There has been so much written about mothers that nothing I write here could compare. So on this Mother's Day, I wanted to spend some time reflecting on one thought - which I believe is a key aspect of motherhood. It is also an area in which I struggle immensely.

I have found one of the most difficult aspects of parenthood to be letting your children be who God made them to be. From the day these children come into the world, we are essentially raising them to leave us. If this is our goal, it should be very simple to understand that we should nurture and develop their talents, so that we can send them into the world to thrive and accomplish wonderful things. It should be obvious that they will be much more productive, successful and content if they are are honing natural abilities. But so many times I get lost along the way. I have the best of intentions, yet I still find myself forcing my children into my familiar idols of appearance and performance. Or I place expectations on them based on my desires or weaknesses or lost dreams. God has made these kids for a purpose. He has given them specific gifts and talents. Why do I force them to swim upstream, rather than following the current God has provided?

I have always said that I want my kids to be, "Who God made them to be." I have reached a time when my actions must prove it. Ugh.

I will close with a quote that I love. I believe it captures the heart of parenting. In his book The Healing Path, Dan Allender discusses his thought in regards to His son's calling:

"What is his calling? Perhaps he will be a welcoming pastor in a charismatic church. Perhaps not. What does it matter? He thinks he would like to be a cartoonist. He loves to draw. I don't care if he makes a lot of money, goes to college, finds a career, or sell Fuller brushes door-to-door. I don't want him to be happy, nor do I merely wait for him to find his way. I want him to use all he is for the kingdom of God. And my task is to delight in his passion, promote his desires, let him fail and sit quietly with him on the porch waiting for God to speak to us both."

When I can embrace this in both thought and action, I am the mother my children need.

Happy Mother's Day to my sweet mom. I am who I am today because she was a prayer warrior for 30+ years. Happy Mother's Day to my mother-in-law, whose dedicated service raised children who are two of my absolute favorite people. To all the moms out there, of any stage, motherhood is an amazing responsibility. Hang in there, have faith, give yourself some grace and do not lose heart. There is no more worthy job than that of a mother.

Frumpy Doesn't Happen Overnight

I was standing in line at the Ann Talor Loft last week, holding five different colors of the same shirt when it hit me. Frumpy doesn't happen overnight. I have always loved cool clothes, cute shoes and fabulous hair. While I prefer soccer shorts, a t-shirt and a baseball cap, I do appreciate that there are times and places when it is better to look a bit more put together. It certainly is not good to obsess or be overly concerned with how you look, but I do believe it is important to make the most of what you have been given...for yourself and for your spouse. I used to see moms and wonder how they ended up looking so tired and out-of-style. I assumed that these women were NEVER into "style" - it just wasn't on their radar (and I think I secretly admired that). But as I was standing in the Loft, I had a very frightening realization. Letting yourself go is a very slippery and gradual slope and is not likely an intentional journey...and now I was dancing dangerously close to the edge of the frumpy cliff. The kids come, the body changes, life gets ridiculously busy, the fatigue sets in and there is just no time for personal upkeep. I have felt this lately. I haven't lost the desire, but the time and energy is another story. My day is spent trying to balance responsibilities at home while shuttling kids to school and activities. Our money is spent trying to feed and clothe three children. My energy, well, I haven't had any energy since before I was pregnant with our third child almost two years ago. I think the majority of women want to look presentable and pulled together. I know that I do. But in this season of life we mommies are all lacking some combination of time, energy and money that makes looking pulled together possible. Many days I don't even manage to squeeze in a shower, so looking cute just isn't a possibility. What to do? Does this mean that I must give up? Do I surrender to front-butt jeans and holiday sweaters? Absolutely not. I fight the good fight, doing the best I can to maintain some sense of style during these tiring years with young children. Could "tired" be the new black? It may mean that I do the bulk of my shopping online (no shower required). I may buy three pairs of the same shoe in different colors because I happen to be near a shoe store on a particular day. I need to exercise as much as I can, but it won't be like it was when I was a college athlete. I can get my hair done, but it may be hiding under a hat most days. But what it also means is that I need to cut myself some slack. It is about survival now. It is about being an emotionally present mommy. My kids will get older and there will be time to look fit, rested and perfectly coiffed later. I need to attempt to take care of "me,'' but I may need to lower my standards - at least temporarily. Unfortunately, the world probably isn't going to look past my old sweats. Can I be okay with that? I am not there yet, but I'm working on it. Is it possible that after a few years of lower standards I could become more comfortable looking less together? Maybe that is the point.